Over the past two weeks, I've made jarring changes to how I live my daily life. What had happened was that I had lost my watch months ago to the void and without it, I realize that I became much more lax in my usual habits. I remedied this by buying a new watch. This ties into so many daily facets that it is difficult to put into explanation.
To start, I use the watch as a pedometer. Keeping active is not difficult for me when it is at the front of my mind, but without the tracking, it often slips through the cracks of my thoughts. I've been getting 10,000+ steps every day since getting a new watch.
The second most important change the watch brings me is that instead of reaching for my phone to check the time, I just look at my watch. This seems a bit innocuous, but if there is something on my phone that distracts me, then I get stuck looking at a comic, or scrolling through wiktionary, or reading inane articles. Instead of checking the time.
Of course, the watch is not a cure for my poor restraint or other mental habits, but I believe it to be a good tool in the right direction for me.
Now, aside from the watch, I've found myself breaking away from the old mentality that destroyed my sense of artistic happiness.
I had a conversation with a friend a while back and in talking about art, I realized a lot of flaws in my thought process and a lot of poor language choices in what I described of myself. Something I have decided now, is that I don't care about my reasons for drawing in the past, necessarily. The time has come and gone. I've mourned. I've had my stages of grief and had my complaints. Time marches forward. The only one holding myself listless is myself.
I will draw because I want to. And I will draw what I want to. and I'll do it as I please and I won't hold myself to the standard of 'always needing to improve'. I don't need to improve significantly with every single piece of work. And I don't need to draw for any assurances or acceptance from peers. Sometimes, I just want to draw a guy in a situation, and that's just fine. If my friends appreciate what I draw, that's lovely. But not necessary. I hope they do, nonetheless, as I find that sharing art and being excited together is a large part of what makes art enjoyable to me, but only through the lens of friendship. Gaining views online is none of my concern (In fact, I'd rather most of my art ONLY be seen by my dear friends).
Since I refuse to hold myself to constant improvement (which will come naturally with practice, regardless), I can be freer to just draw what makes me happy. If the anatomy or lighting is off, so be it. Sometimes, it's simply nice to pull the concept out of my brain and slap it onto a digital canvas.
Books read: "Convenience Store Woman" - Sayaka Murata
- 8/10Books read: "Audition" - Ryu Murakami
- 8/10